Sex and Relationship Advice For Guys Stuck At Home Right Now
Tantric sex therapist sounds like one of those titles that can't possibly be real but after you let the giggles pass, it is easy to understand just how important it can be to have a therapist for this area. We spend tons of money on failed romantic gestures, toys, books, even pills but rarely do we reach out and get help from another person. Yet sex, virility, and ultimately our romantic lives are one of the most important things that can keep a marriage together ... or drive it apart.
Times are tough right now with layer upon layer of stress piling up so we talked with Sarrah Rose, a certified sex, love, and relationships coach to learn what she's seeing in her practice and how we can improve our lives right now.
You have an online coaching platform called Tantric Activation, what exactly is that?
Tantric Activation is the only Sex University for men. It's a place for men to come and train to be sexual masters. It's where they can be honest about what's going on in their sex lives and realize that what they are going through is very normal. Men of all types come to better themselves sexually so that they can have more fulfilling sex, more vibrant relationships and more confidence in all areas of their lives.
In the past, people have heard about "tantric sex" as some weird practice that requires a lot of work and control. Is that true today or are there easy things that people can draw from the practice and apply even if they aren't ready to fully commit to the discipline?
Tantric sex is based on four basic principles that are universal to all humans. They are breath, sound, movement and focus. The way that you put them together is what alters the way that you have sex and how it feels. The way that I train men is very practical and easy to follow and without any fluff. And, yes, there are definitely layers to tantric sex. Someone can learn the basics and not go full in and still get benefits from it.
Improving health in general seems like it is something that many people are focused on right now to reduce the potential danger from COVID-19, what are some of the sexual benefits of starting an exercise routine and eating more healthy right now?
Sexuality is definitely impacted by a healthy lifestyle. Eating healthy and exercising regularly is going to help with stamina, blood flow, and breath capacity. Also, by feeling good in your body, you'll naturally feel sexier and more turned on.
There was lots of talk about "coronababies" and a boom in 9 months, but for many guys stuck at home in close quarters that initial wave has passed. What are some ways that couples can "keep the spark alive" even if things such as date night outings aren't possible right now?
Yeah, the coronababy thing is a joke. People were having less sex, not more sex. The stress of the crisis put people into fight or flight mode which is about survival, not procreation. During a crisis, it's important to get back to the basics. Focus on the foundations of your relationship. Do communication practices together. Develop intimacy from the ground up. Many couples that had cracks in the foundation of their relationship have seen that that has been exasperated by the crisis. The spark comes from trust, deep connection and the ability to surrender to each other during sex not from bells and whistles. Eye gazing is a way to develop this. Sit across from each other, look left eye to left eye and keep eye contact for two minutes. Set a timer. Also, find ways to create the love hormones - oxytocin, adrenaline, dopamine and serotonin. Do an online yoga class together, watch a horror film, give each other a massage.
What are some of the intimacy trends that you've seen with your clients? How have people adapted to the "new normal"?
People are spending much more time educating themselves online so there has been a big influx of people doing online sex training. It's nice to be able to do it from the privacy of your own home and to get the instant gratification of being able to try it out with your partner right then and there. There's also the desire to come out of this as better versions of ourselves so that somehow this all feels like it hasn't been a complete loss. People have the desire to look back on this time and know that they did something to make a difference in their lives. That they rose during the crisis, rather than collapsed.
Sexual performance can be a big issue in relationships. With the added stress right now, what are some things that couples can do to reduce performance anxiety as well as the dreaded, "not now, I've got a headache" response?
For both men and women, getting the pre-frontal cortex to shut down is key to having good sex. When the cortex is in control, you'll overthink, it will be harder for women to orgasm and men will come faster than they want or not be able to get or keep an erection. One way to do that is with open mouth inhale and exhale during sex. Keep the jaw relaxed and keep the breath connected, no pause between the inhale and exhale, Keep up this breath and it will help to get into a flow state.
Equally important to simply "performance", making partners feel desired. What are some tips that guys can use to make sure that their partners know they still love them and appreciate being together ... even if after weeks of not being able to 'get away' that can be hard on a relationship?
You can still have date nights from home. It's about setting the intention. I coach guys to set the scene for sex. Determine the archetype that you are setting the scene as. Are you the lover, the warrior, the joker...? See your room as a scene that you're setting to take your lover into. Clear out the space, light candles, have music that compliments your scene. Prepare light things to eat. Find penis and pussy massage videos to guide you, and do that together. It's the intention that you set that will make her still feel special.
For more information about Sarrah and her sex therapy coaching services, please visit Tantric Activation.