Contrary to many opinions, getting a divorce isn't a walk in the park for men either. Everything that's happening will impact your own life too, and nothing will ever be as it was before. The first thing you should know is that it's okay to be sad, too - while some people think that men don't really feel the effects of a divorce, nine out of ten times, this is anything but the truth. It's a traumatic experience, and you once thought that you and your partner were going to be together forever; otherwise, you wouldn't have gotten married in the first place. Nonetheless, getting a divorce is much more than just separating with paperwork, and many other things need to be thought about when starting the process. That said, here are a few
This is probably one of the aspects that stress you out the most about getting a divorce; what about the children? Where will they stay? Can they stay with me? How will they cope with what's happening? The first thing to do is talk to them - avoiding the subject altogether won't solve anything and may make them feel as if they are being left behind. During these challenging times, it's essential to surround your children with all the support and love they need in order to cope with the divorce in a healthy way. You can try having a sit-down with them and explaining to them what's happening and broadly why it's happening - this will make them feel included and part of the decision-making process, which they should be.
You can also utilize this time to ask them how they feel, where they want to stay, and also get in touch with a Local Family Law Attorney to discuss your options and the process from now on. It's important to understand that your children are going through the divorce just as much as you are, and their lives are being thrown upside down by this situation. However, it doesn't have to be as harsh as it sounds; by keeping a close relationship with your kids and being there for each other throughout the process, you'll come out stronger on the other side.
During the divorce, you will have to get a lawyer in order to negotiate on your behalf and take care of all the paperwork. One of the things that will have to be dealt with is your assets, which will have to be divided evenly between you and your partner. These assets include properties, cars, business shares, and basically everything the two of you own. Depending on your marriage contract, your lawyers will divide the assets accordingly.
People who are married in community of property will have their assets tied in a joint estate, which will then be shared after the court has given the decree for the divorce. If you and your partner decide to divide the joint estate, your lawyers may draft a settlement agreement that will be added to the divorce decree and have it made an order of the court. However, if you and your partner cannot agree, which is the case a lot of the time, the court will most probably appoint a liquidator to divide the estate's assets on the court's behalf.
A divorce can take a while to finalize, especially if there are a lot of negotiations that need to be done or if there are many assets that need to be divided. During this time, you may want to make some living arrangements if you and your partner are still living under the same roof - this may be for the best, especially if it's a sensitive time or if things are getting ugly with the lawyers. It may also be better for the kids if the two of you aren't living together and constantly fighting anymore, seeing as it may be traumatic for them to be in such a tension-filled environment the entire time. You can consider living with a friend temporarily, at a hotel, or renting a place for the time being.
It's also important to check in with yourself every now and again to make sure you're coping with everything going on in a healthy manner. Then, take time for yourself as well and give yourself enough space to process all the emotions you're experiencing fully - allowing yourself to feel doesn't make you any less of a man.